Okay, no such declaration has been made by any authority. But, being the awfully modest soul that I am, I would accept the title of the ‘All Ruling Coffee Authority‘ quite happily. Yes, the title is fictitious too but isn’t it an idea worth thinking about?
The past month has been rather exciting for the simpleton. No dah-lings, the coffee kitty parties were not keeping me busy I have a somewhat ‘real’ life that was making itself happen. How, you ask? Let’s just say my life has been like an ‘Angry Birds’ game that aims at something, lands someplace else and and doesn’t really get me to level 2 but I can’t deny they haven’t always hit the wrong targets.
Although I have another post pending (an awesome one I must add) I had to type this one out first. My food, sleep and caffeine deprived mind is currently going through mad levels of overdrive. While I’d like to blame this on the month of fasting (did I say too much?) I also think the fact that I’m back to school has much to do with it. But one must give credit where its due, my writing inspiration somehow comes from the dread of deadlines which have unusually made themselves happen much earlier in the semester (those no good egg throwing White Angry Bird types that get you nowhere). If you are in fact a tea / coke person and end up resenting this post and blog to its fullest please blame my grad school or the Angry Birds or the meal you had for lunch or the bad cup of coffee you just sipped OR the person sitting next to you (I’m really counting on this person for my survival – Po Kung Fu face ON!).
So among other things my caffeine deprivation has also lead me to believe that the ‘obvious’ needs to happen and needs to happen fast. You see we simpletons cannot commit to is large scale fund raisers with an A-list talking about politics and world peace over a 4 course meal. Our tolerance levels for such events are very much in the negative. We only cook up small initiatives that might have major impact – I’m afraid I’m not sane enough anymore to join a global / peace loving organization because post grad is literally fucking me over and I’m quite lazy. However, I have done my share of being in a cult-like phase while volunteering for an organization of a similar nature. I suppose it would be apt to say that you reach a point in life where you think world change can come from caffeine – and why the hell not? We’re running short of water, I say go for the caffeine.
I knew you’d be skeptical and ready to switch windows! You only landed here because of the sweet virtual smell of coffee didn’t you and now you’re not interested anymore? Craving a good old cup of java (oh whoever uses that term to refer to coffee anymore?) that throws out heavenly scents aren’t you? Before you reach out for your wallets / handbags / clothes or whatever you might need to get out of the house – just bear with me for a few more paragraphs while I make my case will you? If I can convince you to go buy coffee without even trying I bet I can convince you about anything.
I must share this with all the savvy, not-so-savvy, wouldn’t-give-a-shit-about-being-savvy, don’t-care-what-savvy means people out there. I think I have a case. Feedback of all sorts will be much appreciated but remember, I get to hit the ‘approve’ button. So here goes:
1. Kids on Caffeine.
All you parental beings out there – aren’t you always complaining that kids aren’t active or smart enough anymore? Imagine the kid on caffeine – mind in overdrive, body in overdrive, ahead of schedule at all times! Yes, they will no longer want to play Wii they’ll want to do it all live. Well, in retrospect that might not go down too well but I do expect you to train them well. And I promise they will kickass at school. And wouldn’t we all love our kids zombie-d out once in a while? (No I have none yet, Celebrity Sister’s Fabulous Two are quite a handful)
2. Limitless – Drug.
Okay, I should tell you this now cause the guys in Hollywood would never spill the coffee beans. That dude from The Hangover – Bradley Cooper was it? He was on a caffeine pill, in fact I’m pretty sure some hot shot coffee company sponsored the movie. Of course they wouldn’t want you to know this, why would they just reveal the world’s best kept secret? Trust the simpleton to keep you informed. While we’re at it, does anyone else see the irony in Bradley Cooper first starring in The Hangover and then Limitless – makes you wonder if the man has substance issues…
Courtesy: Law Coffee
3. Energy Drinks are so 2005.
With the myriad of energy drinks out there with albeit very smart advertising that really don’t ever give you wings you must seriously reconsider the concept of energy drinks. They’re essentially formulas that didn’t go so well in the lab and ended up looking like piss. It’s all part of the great big advertising game, If the wings were really happening I’d currently be on Pluto (yes, back in the days when it existed).
4. Coffee is food for thought.
I can understand why generations of people have been ‘convinced’ into believing that ‘thought’ is food for the soul. Now these philosophers were not born in the age of ‘hole-in-wall’ coffee shops and barristas who can brew your woes away – ooh I should propose this line to my barrista! So in order to enable ‘thinking’ you need a steaming cup of coffee. Let’s look at this logically – when you get to work in the morning its not the breakfast that wakes you up or makes you think its your cup of coffee (sorry no association with tea whatsoever). When you’re bogged down with assignments from work or school – you rely on that sweet cup of caffeine to get you through. When you need to pull a mildly productive all-nighter, coffee is your best friend. So essentially, if we kind of kick thought out of the equation:
Coffee = food for the soul
Thought = Highly dependent on caffeine levels in your system
5. Coffee in Hand = Contemporary Chic.
Ooooh did my fashion conscious readers just turn their trendy radars on? Yes dah-lings, back in the day holding a cigarette in one hand a glass of white wine in the other was considered savvy but now a cup of coffee will do just fine for you. Now I know the savvy souls out there don’t exactly prefer the ‘no-frills’ look like the simpletons who would prefer their most comfy pair of slippers over those God forsaken heels. Remember the ‘click‘ that was meant for morning earthquakes? Well, now all you need to do is: order a decent sized cup of coffee, know how to pronounce it, know exactly how you’d like your coffee (don’t look so confused it’s just a question of milk and sugar) and hold it as confidently as possible and voila – you were born smart. With that, you just successfully pulled ‘Contemporary Chic in 2011’.
I must stop before I hit a 2000 word post again and some of my regular followers might complain. Oh yes, I receive your fan mail and don’t tell me I didn’t listen. I hope I have you convinced about this noble cause. If you want to survive in 2020, I say ditch the water – if you OD in the process and do end up in a sad place be sure to find yourself a computer with a browser and an internet connection. I will be updating the blog to entertain you for the rest of your time.
While we’re on the topic of coffee I must share this with you before I sign off. I recently visited Melbourne and based on some convincing reviews decided to visit a coffee shop called ‘Brother Baba Budan’ – quite lost about the meaning of the name. After trying that brown liquid (refuse to call it coffee) I posted a sweet review on a website. The cult of that cafe didn’t take it so well. No sense of real coffeee or criticism but for those of you who like a little bit of cafe experience I must admit it is a nicely done place. The picture is posted below and so is my review. I claim full responsibility for the content cause quite frankly dah-lings, I couldn’t give a fuck.
I was visiting Melbourne last week and had been duly informed by reliable sources that Melbourne is the city of great coffee. I am studying in Canberra and while I would usually undermine everything the city has to offer, the one pure bliss of my life in this city is coffee from ‘Bean in the City’ (yes, there have been reports of caffeine instead of blood in my veins). So here I am craving a good cup of coffee and quite frankly not enjoying the ‘Starbucks Experience’ as much. My sister googled ‘best coffee on bourke street’ and found ‘Brother Baba Budan’. And I’m still quite curious about the name, anyone know what it means?
On day 1, I walked with my 8 year old nephew using dodgy Google maps (or perhaps we could blame that on my tired mind) looking for this joint. Finally, after 30 minutes going in all directions (ironically, in one big square) we found the place only to find out that it closes at 5pm. Absolutely disappointed and in complete awe of the decor I couldn’t wait to return and try a cup.
On the last day of our trip, I decided to try one more time. I just didn’t want to leave without tasting this so-called ‘divine’ cup of coffee. I had been up since 6am (albeit on vacation) and about an hour before I had to leave for the airport, I decided to ditch the packing and head towards BBB. There was something more than enthusiasm in my stride, perhaps a dash of hope?
I walked in to find the place packed. It felt like all the coffee lovers in the city had just decided to come there, some of them sketching, others chatting away over coffees and muffins and other had managed to comfortably stuff themselves in little corners. I thought, there had to be something about this place that would make people want to treat it like a second home. I ordered my cup and patiently waited by the side. Popped out my camera for a few quick pictures (because it does deserve credit for its creatively wild interior). I silently observed people, conversation and the barista (yes I was literally hanging by every drop of coffee he made, I wanted MY cup). So after a good 10 minutes wait (ordered mochas by the way) – I decided to first sip the coffee with my sister rather than being greedy. So I headed back to my hotel and the anticipation – well, in retrospect, I can tell you it was much higher than what the coffee actually offered.
I rushed inside the hotel and decided to take the first sip while in the lift, yes I cheated a little bit. However, it is quite sad for me to say, the betrayal wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t exactly the best cup of coffee I’d tasted and only made me want to go back to the coffee joint in Canberra (just the joint, if I may add).
So I say, the place is nice and comfy, great for people looking to meet other like-minded, caffeine loving, escape from 9-5 jobs, creative souls etc. but the coffee is at best, mediocre. Apologies to the die-hard BBB fans but I have definitely tasted better coffee.